Sometimes we are awakened into the greater reality of the interconnection of all things through time and space when we touch into other lifetimes and consciousnesses beyond the present. If you feel like your own pain is somehow not just yours, but perhaps others—maybe from other lives or your ancestors, or even the spirits of the place where you live—pay attention! That heaviness on your mind and heart—the voices and strange emotions you feel—are a portal into a great spiritual awakening for you and the planet.
In these times, there has been an opening or thinning of the veil between worlds. This is offering a powerful opportunity for many ancient, unhealed wounds and hurts to be transmuted as a means to raising the consciousness of the planet, as a whole.
Your presentiments and feelings are perhaps a calling for you, as well, to enter into the vibrant a living web of reality to not only heal yourself, but all of us.
I know. This was the path I was called to by the spirits a very long time ago. Here is my story.
I woke up to a brutal storm. Ice literally poured from the heavens. I looked out the window at a landscape locked under more than a foot of ice as far as the eye could see. It was February of 1993—and a winter that had been particularly cold. I was 32 years old.
Suddenly, a feeling of intense panic rose from my chest into my throat. There was a strange pressure in my head. I gasped for air. Slowly, like an IV drip, I was being engulfed by a suffocating, unexplained terror.
I shook my head in hopes that, like a dog shaking water off its coat, the sensations and feelings would leave. Nothing. The pressure and dread persisted all day. I tried to read but could not concentrate. As the sun set, it worsened.
I went to bed early with nothing else to do. I hoped I would wake up in the morning and the terror would be gone. It wasn’t. I opened my eyes and there it was sitting on my chest like a hangman waiting to take me to the gallows.
I had no idea what was happening except to label it in psychological terms as “anxiety.” But this felt like more than simple anxiety. I had lived with that feeling for most of my life. This was entirely different and thoroughly frightening.
Three months, later, the physical pain began.
I began to live in two worlds: on the outside, I looked like I belonged to the functional middle class—I went to work, did my job, spent time with friends, and watched tv on the sofa with my husband. On the inside, I existed in a cramped and painful space in mind and body.
Then, one day, as if by chance (oh, but it wasn’t—that’s how it works), I saw a flyer for a woman doing energy healing. Instinctually, I tore off a tab with her phone number.
A week later, I was on her table and experiencing viscerally through my body-mind-soul complex the death of a French Holy Warrior on a field of battle. He lived some 500 years before my time. Through my inner intention, I met him and learned about his life. He was a warrior-monk who had dedicated his life to this violent path. He believed that the conversion and murder of the “infidels” was what His Lord Christ wanted him to do.
Yet, there he was, dying, after believing fervently, with all his heart, that Jesus would protect him and his beloved horse. She herself lay injured, in shock and dying on the muddy. Because of her suffering, and in that netherworld between life and death, he suddenly saw the faces of all the men, women and children he had killed and injured. He was filled with horror and despair. All his life, he believed he would sit at the feet of his Lord Christ after his death. Now, he thought he would go to hell. He knew what he had done was wrong and not what Jesus wanted from him.
As I lightly experienced his agony, I entered into his consciousness and saw his life. And his love for Christ. His devotion. And also his confusion. I could not judge him. No, rather, my heart opened even as his did.
I spoke to him with my inner voice: “Jean, you are not irredeemable. No! Rather, you were confused and lost, like a child. Jesus does not judge you. He only loves you. You will, indeed, sit at his feet, as you always knew you would. You are already forgiven, if there is anything, truly, to forgive.”
Through the veil of time between us, he took this in even as he breathed his last breath. I felt and saw his soul and spirit rise up out of his body through his crown chakra. He left and went to the light.
When I rose from the table, I was pain free.
Something miraculous and terribly important happened. I knew it. I felt it. I called the healer the next day and said, “I want to learn everything you know.” This was my first step towards becoming a shamanic healer. It also was part of a deepening spiritual awakening.
What happens when you trace the thread of emotional pain in your life? When you follow its deep currents unconditionally like a baby duckling follows its mother? When you track the suffering of the mind and body deep into the recesses of your subconscious? While you may feel at times like you are going to fall apart and break or live a life divided within yourself, I am here to tell you that you do not have to. You will not.
I did not.
So many people are becoming more conscious and awake than ever before. It is like a tide rising. At the center of this movement is a powerful potential for an end to violence and war.
Do not be afraid if you have these presentiments. Or if you are in pain and need to reach out for help. No! That is just the beginning of your journey of awakening!
As I say now, the Spirits and my Higher Self were going to train me spiritually and as a shaman in the best way they could: through just enough suffering to make me grow humble, strong, and wise, but not enough to kill me. Through dreams, visions, synchronicities, and divinely orchestrated meetings they were going to stretch me psychologically, spiritually, and personally way beyond anything I could have imagined back then.
Here I am now, almost 30 years from that day to tell you that you can track into the darkness to find the light. In doing so, through the portal of your suffering, you will find yourself connected with many other lifetimes and even the mythic dimensions of humanity’s and Mother Earth’s history.
Your amazing, creative, and powerful journey will have only just begun!
Let me show you the way!